alaina knox

Radical Well-Being Center
healingfatbodies@gmail.com

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DOI: https://doi.org/10.47106/4rwj.11.11110296

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In a world where we are encouraged to perform wellness 'fake it til we make it' this meditation invites you make space for the unspoken childlike desire to be wholly accepted and loved.

 

 

I hate that I am so easily impressed

I don’t have enough experience with acceptance to play hard to get

My spirit thirst for community

To be witnessed

I understand why being unbothered is so captivating

But I cannot feel droplets of affection and pretend to not want more

We are taught to value the chase

We are trained to romanticize being preyed on

but some of us cannot run because we are dehydrated

and we hate ourselves for it

 

 

This is a guided meditation for the  thirsty

For those of us rendered invisible for so long that simple acts of kindness can trigger us in ways that society  doesn’t empathize with

 

We get caught in the feed one part of yourself while starving the other cycle

 

Trapped between decisions that force us to abandon one part of ourselves for the other

 

The guilt we end up feeling from self abandonment can drown us

 

We daydream about  what we would do if we had more access

Then how we can change ourselves to gain more access

Before we  know it our thoughts are consumed with regret

wishing we were something else

wishing we had more self control

 

You are not broken for seeing the ways this system doesn’t  accomadate  you

And wanting more

 

All creation is born from a place of recognizing whats missing

 

You are not the negative vibe

 

We all need connection to survive

We must be fed

Yes

 

But we also must be caught

In human hands

Swaddled

Nutured

Our heads must be held until we gain control of our necks

 

We do not all have the same access to the care we need to thrive

 

It is okay  to want attention

You do not owe the world a demonstration of self love

 

Your  wants do not exist to test your ability to discipline yourself

 

You are whole even when you need to hear someone else’s voice say it

 

Breathe

Having contradicting needs does make you bad

 

Shift as many times as you need to

Expand

transform

ascend

 

You deserve comfort

You deserve rest

 

When you cannot touch joy

Reach for relief  from guilt

 

You belong here

Even when systems don’t confirm that

You deserve care

 

You deserve relationships with people who care about the way they make you feel

 

You deserve consistency

 

You deserve community

 

You deserve language to describe your experience

 

May we be able to hold multiple truths

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